So his week is over and he new is about to begin. I know I had my ups and downs this week.Some of you all told me that I might be being a little hard on myself. I may and I may not be. But I know for 10 years I have not been hard on myself and it lead to me getting to 380 lbs. That is 20 lbs from 400 lbs. You dont know how hard it is to look down at the scale and see 380. An know that 60% of your body is made of fat. Seeing that number, there where times I just started crying in the bathroom. Feeling worthless and pathetic. It broke me down. It made my mood change, it made me think I was a waste of space. It made me question "why am I here"? " Why is this happening to me"? "What did I do to deserve this?" I got so depressed that I hid it from everyone that is important to me. I shut down emotionally and just went through my day.On the outside I was me, on the inside I felt like a lifeless zombie I got to the point that I didn't care about myself anymore. I just decided not to care. So, am I being hard on myself. Damn right I am. I don't hide anymore, I want to care, and I want to be the best that I can me. I wanna live again. So you see I have to, if I don't then all of this is a waste of time.I know that some of ya'll said that out of love and support for me, but know do you understand why I am hard. I love and want the support that everyone is giving me. I so want that support and need it. I need to hear that I am doing a great job, that I am inspiring people like me to do the same thing. I love hearing damn Mike you are looking good. But deep inside of myself I have push myself harder and harder everyday. If I don't accomplish the goal I set for that day, I know deep down in my heart that I have let myself down. Remember what they say, we are our hardest critic. There is only one person that is gonna change me, and that is me...
So on a good note, and I wanna leave ya'll on a good not. I lost 2 pounds this week. I did say earlier this week I was aiming for 10, but yet I only lost 2. Now I know 2 pounds is great and its 2 pounds that I don't have anymore and yes my new jeans I bought 2 weeks ago are starting to fit a little loose. So I know I am losing inches. So with that I can not be to upset with myself. This week I am not gonna set my goal so high. I am aiming for 5 pounds and working out 2 times a day. Hit the gym in the morning and hit the road at night. I believe deep down I can do this. I am also trying a new vitamin regimen that will try to help me give me the energy I need to get through my day. I am still on pace and still driving to be under 300 before or on my 35th birthday. And if ya'll do not know my birthday is August 8th so I have 10 days to drop 5 pounds. Wish me look cause I really, really want this. I will tell you when it happens and how it feels...
Thank yall for everything, but yet no one is following me yet. I need followers so that I can get my words out to help inspire others.
Goodnight
Gonzo
Mike. We haven't talked much, but I just started and read your posts from day 1. First of all I am glad you are hard on yourself and making a change in your life. We have both been heavy since wrestling. My wife, family, and friends have asked me for years to lose weight for myself and for my kids, but I didn't want to. I liked drinking, cooking, and even more eating. I'd weigh in every now and then just to see where I was. I wrote my weight on the mirror with a dry erase marker and that's where I was. Not changing my daily routine or anything. Wife ordered the vitamin shakeology mix and it was ok. I tried it every now and then.
ReplyDeleteOne weekend I went to 6 flags with the family and was too busy to eat and went to a race @ TMS and did lots of walking. I accidently lost 6 lbs that weekend. I decided to make that a starting point. Shake in the morning and a small lunch or fruit or nothing at all. (not healthy i know).
I've been going through the last several months. I don't even know exactly when I started. I just knew something had to change.
I've stayed on the shakeology and eating better with little to no excercise. I have the same thoughts/feelings/comments as I plateau on a weight and can't get over. I plateaued at 20 lbs and now I've plateaued at 30 lbs.
I started at 320 and now down to 290. People say "that's great", but my first response is "yea, but not enough". I'm not sure if I can say it enough that your words are my exact thoughts going through the same stuff.
To feel guilty that you didn't work out is a sign that you still care and still want to change.
I just bought a mountain bike yesterday to kick this weight loss into the next level. I haven't ridden on a bike since jr. high, but it's the next step for me in losing weight.
Thank you for sharing your true thoughts & emotions. Don't feel that you are alone in this process. You are not! Keep it up. You can break 300 by your birthday.
keep us posted...
Justin
start posting your daily food journal
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