So his week is over and he new is about to begin. I know I had my ups and downs this week.Some of you all told me that I might be being a little hard on myself. I may and I may not be. But I know for 10 years I have not been hard on myself and it lead to me getting to 380 lbs. That is 20 lbs from 400 lbs. You dont know how hard it is to look down at the scale and see 380. An know that 60% of your body is made of fat. Seeing that number, there where times I just started crying in the bathroom. Feeling worthless and pathetic. It broke me down. It made my mood change, it made me think I was a waste of space. It made me question "why am I here"? " Why is this happening to me"? "What did I do to deserve this?" I got so depressed that I hid it from everyone that is important to me. I shut down emotionally and just went through my day.On the outside I was me, on the inside I felt like a lifeless zombie I got to the point that I didn't care about myself anymore. I just decided not to care. So, am I being hard on myself. Damn right I am. I don't hide anymore, I want to care, and I want to be the best that I can me. I wanna live again. So you see I have to, if I don't then all of this is a waste of time.I know that some of ya'll said that out of love and support for me, but know do you understand why I am hard. I love and want the support that everyone is giving me. I so want that support and need it. I need to hear that I am doing a great job, that I am inspiring people like me to do the same thing. I love hearing damn Mike you are looking good. But deep inside of myself I have push myself harder and harder everyday. If I don't accomplish the goal I set for that day, I know deep down in my heart that I have let myself down. Remember what they say, we are our hardest critic. There is only one person that is gonna change me, and that is me...
So on a good note, and I wanna leave ya'll on a good not. I lost 2 pounds this week. I did say earlier this week I was aiming for 10, but yet I only lost 2. Now I know 2 pounds is great and its 2 pounds that I don't have anymore and yes my new jeans I bought 2 weeks ago are starting to fit a little loose. So I know I am losing inches. So with that I can not be to upset with myself. This week I am not gonna set my goal so high. I am aiming for 5 pounds and working out 2 times a day. Hit the gym in the morning and hit the road at night. I believe deep down I can do this. I am also trying a new vitamin regimen that will try to help me give me the energy I need to get through my day. I am still on pace and still driving to be under 300 before or on my 35th birthday. And if ya'll do not know my birthday is August 8th so I have 10 days to drop 5 pounds. Wish me look cause I really, really want this. I will tell you when it happens and how it feels...
Thank yall for everything, but yet no one is following me yet. I need followers so that I can get my words out to help inspire others.
Goodnight
Gonzo
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
I am a Failure
Failure is defined as an omission of occurrence or performance. There are many failures one can encounter. And I think that I have encountered a lot of them. I have failed at being healthy, I have failed at a marriage, I have failed my family and friends and I have failed at different careers. I know when I have failed in the past I felt like I was letting people that cared about me down. Like I was disappointing them in away. But the truth is the only person I was letting down was myself, I was disappointing myself. Sometimes failure just finds you. Like today for example, I woke up ready to hit the gym had my protein shake and was ready sat on the couch and that is where I stayed until it was time to go to lunch with my mom, grandfather and uncle. In my head I told myself I would go workout after lunch, but did I... Nope. I sat my happy fat ass on the couch and played video games; until Erin came over to hang out. So I said "Mike you will go on a nice night run to end your day". But did I NOPE, NO I didn't. So what happened to me today, why did I do this to myself. And I really have no answer for it. I feel like I failed myself, like once again I feel like a failure. I have felt like a failure so much in my life and am so tired of feeling that way. It is probably one of the worst feelings one could have. I let myself down. I know what a lot of ya'll will be saying "Mike, it was only one day, its ok that you missed on day." You know how many times I have said that to myself in the past. The answer to that question is a lot, more than you think. So to all my readers out there I am sorry for failing you today. I just know tomorrow I have to make up for it. Like I said before #NEVERSTOP, and I promise you I am not going to.
What I wanna know to all my readers is tell me about a time you overcame failure and how it felt. I would love to hear from all of you to understand who is going on this journey with me. I thank yall for taking time out to support me...
Gonzo
What I wanna know to all my readers is tell me about a time you overcame failure and how it felt. I would love to hear from all of you to understand who is going on this journey with me. I thank yall for taking time out to support me...
Gonzo
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Being Gonzo...: "I Can't"...
Being Gonzo...: "I Can't"...: You know how you always say "don't say you can't". Well you no it is easier said then done. I know from experience that when your fat, "I ca...
"I Can't"...
You know how you always say "don't say you can't". Well you no it is easier said then done. I know from experience that when your fat, "I can't" is a saying that just rolls off your tongue. Whether it be I can't make it to the gym today, or I just can't say no to fast food. Most the time it isnt a body thing it is more like a mental thing. Its not your body saying "I can't" its your mind. Its like all the fat cells in your body and your want for food takes over I know a time that I remember I said "I can't".
My family all went to Hawaii for my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. I mean the whole family was there. So anyway some cousins and I decided to go on a hike and climb Diamond Head. It sounded fun at the time, but if you think about it a 300+ guy climbing up a mountain is not a great idea. Well about 3/4 of the way up I mean really close to the summit, I had to stop. Mentally I really didn't think I could make it so I decided that I couldn't finish the climb. Its not like it is a hard climb either I mean they have a path and stairs that lead to the top. I told myself "I can't" do this, "I can't" go any further. My weakness won over my will to say I did it. So what did I do, I did what I always did. I blamed it on a knee problem I didn't have. I used to always blame my knee as if I had surgery on it or something. There were times that it really did hurt, but that was because I am fat; and I was carrying about 200 pounds more than I should have. I don't know why I did it either I know I could have made it. It was like I got it in my head I kept coming up with reasons why I couldn't go on. Like my mind was shutting down and giving up, even when I was so close. I do think I could explain it anymore than just plain giving up. Getting beat by myself, not my body. It wasn't my body shutting down, it was my mind.
Fat people all around the world give reasons why they cant get up and go work out. Why they cant just walk up and down the block for an hour. Why they can't just get on a treadmill for 30 to 60 minutes on a slow walk. The first words out of their mouths are always "I can't" followed by the excuse. My knees hurt, I don't have time, I wouldn't know where to start, and I know there are countless more. I know because I have used them all. Every single excuse there is I have used. And now that I look back on it I am ashamed of myself. And now that shame drives me, it drives me to say "I can". "I can" make it to the gym, "I can" run another mile. I dont wanna give up. I wanna keep going till my body give up, til I can run anymore. That way I know I gave it my best and I didnt get beat by my mind.
So get up off that couch and go walk for 30 minutes. Park as far as you can from the mall and walk the extra distance. Every little step counts. You dont have to start drastic kill yourself at the gym or the on the treadmill. Start small and work your way up. That is how I started and know I get sense of satisfaction of going to the gym or running that extra mile. So try not saying "I can't" and just give it a try. And once you start I know you will NEVER STOP...
If you have any comments or questions feel free to talk about them here, dont be afraid. I am here to help. I have been there and I am still here. My journey has just begun, and I am never gonna stop until I am truly happy with myself and the world I have created for myself. So please talk to me, I can help you and you know you can probably help me... Just try
My family all went to Hawaii for my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. I mean the whole family was there. So anyway some cousins and I decided to go on a hike and climb Diamond Head. It sounded fun at the time, but if you think about it a 300+ guy climbing up a mountain is not a great idea. Well about 3/4 of the way up I mean really close to the summit, I had to stop. Mentally I really didn't think I could make it so I decided that I couldn't finish the climb. Its not like it is a hard climb either I mean they have a path and stairs that lead to the top. I told myself "I can't" do this, "I can't" go any further. My weakness won over my will to say I did it. So what did I do, I did what I always did. I blamed it on a knee problem I didn't have. I used to always blame my knee as if I had surgery on it or something. There were times that it really did hurt, but that was because I am fat; and I was carrying about 200 pounds more than I should have. I don't know why I did it either I know I could have made it. It was like I got it in my head I kept coming up with reasons why I couldn't go on. Like my mind was shutting down and giving up, even when I was so close. I do think I could explain it anymore than just plain giving up. Getting beat by myself, not my body. It wasn't my body shutting down, it was my mind.
Fat people all around the world give reasons why they cant get up and go work out. Why they cant just walk up and down the block for an hour. Why they can't just get on a treadmill for 30 to 60 minutes on a slow walk. The first words out of their mouths are always "I can't" followed by the excuse. My knees hurt, I don't have time, I wouldn't know where to start, and I know there are countless more. I know because I have used them all. Every single excuse there is I have used. And now that I look back on it I am ashamed of myself. And now that shame drives me, it drives me to say "I can". "I can" make it to the gym, "I can" run another mile. I dont wanna give up. I wanna keep going till my body give up, til I can run anymore. That way I know I gave it my best and I didnt get beat by my mind.
So get up off that couch and go walk for 30 minutes. Park as far as you can from the mall and walk the extra distance. Every little step counts. You dont have to start drastic kill yourself at the gym or the on the treadmill. Start small and work your way up. That is how I started and know I get sense of satisfaction of going to the gym or running that extra mile. So try not saying "I can't" and just give it a try. And once you start I know you will NEVER STOP...
If you have any comments or questions feel free to talk about them here, dont be afraid. I am here to help. I have been there and I am still here. My journey has just begun, and I am never gonna stop until I am truly happy with myself and the world I have created for myself. So please talk to me, I can help you and you know you can probably help me... Just try
Monday, July 23, 2012
NEVER STOP...
If you dont know where you are going, you'll end up someplace else...
@mdgonzo8877 -- Meeting you has inspire me to NEVER STOP inspiring others. Write it all down. Show yourself who you want to BE!#NEVERSTOP
Yogi Berra...
Today starts a new week for me, a week that I am going to change up my workout to try to get off this damn plateau. Last week I only lost 2 pounds and didn't go running as much as I wanted to. I know I worked a lot and was tired, but that is not a good excuse of why didn't. I know I could have made more time to get out to the gym or the road. I just didn't, there is no excuse why i didnt. So in a way I let myself down a little bit. I know what you are gonna say, "hey you are allowed a off week, and hey man you lost 2 pounds that is good". Well to me it is not good, it kind of depressed me a little bit. Made me feel like I was failing myself by not getting up and doing what I promised myself I would do. That feeling is a hard feeling to deal with. I know I can't let it get me down. I just have to use it to have a better week. I can promise you that I will have a lot better week. I will be working out hard and hoping that I can see a 10 pound week. I know I am shooting high but I have to set a goal. I will let you know what I do. I know in my heart of hearts this is going to be a great week...
On the plus side this week. I received a tweet from Jason Lester a Nike athlete that through Nike is going to make the world a better place. Lester found the Never Stop Foundation, which aims to use athletics to teach its young participants how to think creatively about their lives. I got the pleasure to meet him at Nike Dallas when he was on his Journey for a Better Run. That journey sent him running and biking 4,800 miles across the United States. While his journey he was spreading the Nike message that a better world starts with sports. Meeting him and hearing his story inspired me to start my own journey and change my life. This is the tweet that was sent between me and him.
JASON ( 5 ) LESTER
By doing this I am trying to inspire people to do the same way while I am on mine. It does start with a commitment to yourself. By making that commitment to yourself you will be the only person you will be letting down if you dont complete or try.
Like Jason says NEVERSTOP and never give up......
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
IF YOU HAVE A BODY...........
IF YOU HAVE A BODY YOU ARE AN ATHLETE...........BILL BOWERMAN
What does that statement mean to you?
When most people think of an athlete they think of the people they see on TV. On the field, on the court, or on the track. The truth is, being an athlete starts inside of you. It starts with heart, with a passion, with a drive to better yourself everyday. For years I knew there was drive in me. I knew I had what it took to lose weight, to become healthy, and to better my life. When I started working at Nike and I learned this statement I thought to myself, "There is now way he could be talking to me, there is no way that I could ever be an athlete." So I said that statement over and over in my head, the more I said it the more I started to believe. The more I wanted to be become an athlete. To know that I can go compete. I may not be competing with other people, but I can compete with myself. To push myself to run and hit the gym everyday. To build a passion within me, and to better myself from the inside out. Feeling this way has totally changed the way I see myself. I look at my days more positive, like everyday is a challenge and I wanna win. It makes me feel that I can accomplish anything and actually see myself as a winner. You know how long it has been since I have felt that way, well I know it was high school. That was the last time I saw myself in a positive light, that I looked forward to the day. For all of you that dont know I graduated from high school in 1995. That is 17 years of not having a drive or having a passion. I ask myself, "why the hell has it taken me so long to better myself." That is a question I dont know the answer to, sitting here thinking I really dont know the answer to that question. I do know one thing, I have that drive now and that passion to better my life, to be a better person, to be an ATHLETE...
So for the update, I am about 6 pounds away from being under 300. I think back and the last time I was under 300 was probably around 2006. So for six years I have been 300+. And that is way to long. My runs are starting to get longer and stamina is growing. I never thought that I would be able to go run 4 miles and not be miserable, but I can. I really can. On august 8th I will be 35 years old, 5 years until I am 40. I dont have alot to show for it, but I do know that this year I will be giving myself the best birthday present. That present will be, being able to say that I do not weight 300 pounds. I know when I step on that scale and it says 299 I will be emotional. I know that I will shed tears, but I deserve it...
Thank you Bill Bowerman
GONZO
What does that statement mean to you?
When most people think of an athlete they think of the people they see on TV. On the field, on the court, or on the track. The truth is, being an athlete starts inside of you. It starts with heart, with a passion, with a drive to better yourself everyday. For years I knew there was drive in me. I knew I had what it took to lose weight, to become healthy, and to better my life. When I started working at Nike and I learned this statement I thought to myself, "There is now way he could be talking to me, there is no way that I could ever be an athlete." So I said that statement over and over in my head, the more I said it the more I started to believe. The more I wanted to be become an athlete. To know that I can go compete. I may not be competing with other people, but I can compete with myself. To push myself to run and hit the gym everyday. To build a passion within me, and to better myself from the inside out. Feeling this way has totally changed the way I see myself. I look at my days more positive, like everyday is a challenge and I wanna win. It makes me feel that I can accomplish anything and actually see myself as a winner. You know how long it has been since I have felt that way, well I know it was high school. That was the last time I saw myself in a positive light, that I looked forward to the day. For all of you that dont know I graduated from high school in 1995. That is 17 years of not having a drive or having a passion. I ask myself, "why the hell has it taken me so long to better myself." That is a question I dont know the answer to, sitting here thinking I really dont know the answer to that question. I do know one thing, I have that drive now and that passion to better my life, to be a better person, to be an ATHLETE...
So for the update, I am about 6 pounds away from being under 300. I think back and the last time I was under 300 was probably around 2006. So for six years I have been 300+. And that is way to long. My runs are starting to get longer and stamina is growing. I never thought that I would be able to go run 4 miles and not be miserable, but I can. I really can. On august 8th I will be 35 years old, 5 years until I am 40. I dont have alot to show for it, but I do know that this year I will be giving myself the best birthday present. That present will be, being able to say that I do not weight 300 pounds. I know when I step on that scale and it says 299 I will be emotional. I know that I will shed tears, but I deserve it...
Thank you Bill Bowerman
GONZO
Monday, July 16, 2012
Not a good time in my life...
So a lot of people that are reading my blog have know idea who I really am or what I am all about. So I am going to slowly tell you about me and why I have started this journey. My name is Mike Gonzales and like I said before I have been fat 3/4 of my life. I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I don"t blame anyone or anything for me being fat. The only person I blame is myself. I did this to myself and I am the only one that can undo this. The reason I blame myself is because no one forced fed me, no one made me drink as much beer as I used to drink, and no one talked me out of going to the gym. there were times in my life were I felt totally depressed. Depressed about how my life wasn't going anywhere, so I turned to food and alcohol. Going to bars every night and drinking as much beer and taking as many shots as I could till the bar told us to go home. Then I would go to Whataburger for a double cheese burger, large fry, large Dr. Pepper and two tequitos for the drive home. And that was pretty much every night for the longest of times. When I say a longest of times I mean years of my life were wasted in a bar trying to drink my problems away. As people know, you can drink your problems away for the night, but guess what the next morning not only are you hungover but your problems are also still there. It wasnt a good way to live, I know I did some bad things and I know I probably have hurt alot of peoples feelings, but at the time I really didnt care. Now I know that what I did was horrible. I really hated myself back then, but you would never know cause I knew how to hide it with my personality. Now looking back I realize I wasted alot of my life being stupid and doing stupid things. It really makes me sad when I look back on my life and there is nothing there. Wasted time, wasted money, and gained a shit load of weight. The more weight I gained the more depressed I would get, the more depressed I got the more I would drink. I hated myself back then. I am glad I am not that person anymore...
This is the first part of who I am and why I have started this journey to change my life. There will be more to come I promise...
Gonzo
This is the first part of who I am and why I have started this journey to change my life. There will be more to come I promise...
Gonzo
Friday, July 13, 2012
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life
Today wasn't my best day, and I know I am going to have days like this. I didn't workout or did I go on my night run. I kept telling myself that I need to, I just couldn't get off the couch. My drive today just wasn't there, I don't knows what my problem was, but I just couldn't get going. I am stuck at a plateau and feel like no matter how hard I workout I cant get over this hump. Maybe that is why I feel like I am in a funk. Hopefully, I will get over it. I need to I really need to
Someone actually wrote me a comment today on one of my post and it made me feel good that I reached someone. Someone who has gone through the same problems I have. She has fought her battles with weight loss and weight gain. How an employer told her she would find more success in her job if she was skinny. Who tells that to a person? "Oh hey, I was gonna give you a raise but I cant you are fat." That is discrimination if I have ever seen it. But you know what I have been there. There are jobs that I didnt get and in my mind all I could think was "I didnt get that job because I am fat." It might be true and it might not I will never know. But in my mind it was.I felt D's pain and sadness in her story, and I wanna help her and be there for her if she needs someone to talk to. It was great that she could open up to me and share with me her story. This is what I wanna do, I wanna not only help myself but also help people fighting the same problem as myself. Cause being fat is a problem, it is not just bad habits and being lazy. Its a problem that can not be fought alone. There has to be encouragement. The encouragement has to come from people who feel their, pain who know what they are going through. Its easy for someone who is not addicted to some say stop, it is harder for them to stop if they knew how hard it is......... Thank you D for sharing your story with me
Have a good night all, it is bed time
Gonzo
Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that!-Rocky Balboa
Someone actually wrote me a comment today on one of my post and it made me feel good that I reached someone. Someone who has gone through the same problems I have. She has fought her battles with weight loss and weight gain. How an employer told her she would find more success in her job if she was skinny. Who tells that to a person? "Oh hey, I was gonna give you a raise but I cant you are fat." That is discrimination if I have ever seen it. But you know what I have been there. There are jobs that I didnt get and in my mind all I could think was "I didnt get that job because I am fat." It might be true and it might not I will never know. But in my mind it was.I felt D's pain and sadness in her story, and I wanna help her and be there for her if she needs someone to talk to. It was great that she could open up to me and share with me her story. This is what I wanna do, I wanna not only help myself but also help people fighting the same problem as myself. Cause being fat is a problem, it is not just bad habits and being lazy. Its a problem that can not be fought alone. There has to be encouragement. The encouragement has to come from people who feel their, pain who know what they are going through. Its easy for someone who is not addicted to some say stop, it is harder for them to stop if they knew how hard it is......... Thank you D for sharing your story with me
Have a good night all, it is bed time
Gonzo
Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that!-Rocky Balboa
Skinny people aren't fat...
So today I have got a lot of comments on my post, I appreciate all the kind words of encouragement. It is what people need when they wanna change. So today I was watching this show about people being over weight and doing something about it. I really didnt understand why a skinny person is telling a fat person how to be skinny. That skinny person has no idea what it is like to be fat. Yeah it is easy to say go work out, go walk the park, and eat different. When walking down a flight of stairs makes you lose your breath you fear working out. When your knees hurt with every step you take walking is not fun, and most of it feels you with pain. And to all the sudden stop eating the things that make you happy is hard for a person to give up. What I am saying is someone who has never been fat can not say it is a simple as going for a walk, cause it is not.... Also when reading this dont be afraid to follow me or sharing my link with people. I wanna hear from people, I wanna hear about their challenges and how they overcome them. I wanna help fat people change themselves and find something that makes them happy......
Thursday, July 12, 2012
I am tired of being FAT.................... My name is Mike Gonzales and I am fat, I have been this way for about 3/4 of my life. Let me tell you it has not been fun. Let me ask you a question. Have you ever broken a sweat or got winded trying to tie your shoe? Are you scared to get on a airplane, cause you are afraid you will have to ask for a seat belt extender? Have you ever gone to a sporting event and left with bruises on your outer thighs, because you cant fit in the seats? Do you laugh when your friends make jokes about you being fat, because it easier to laugh than cry?Well let me tell you something I HAVE, and believe you me it is no way to live your life. It is actually really sad, and people don't realize how hard life is when you are fat. Now understand me on this I am not looking for a pity party, but to inform people what it is like to be fat. People say " I don't know how you have let yourself go like you have". Its easy, when you are fat you stop caring, you lose all sense of a drive to be a better person. People say fat people are lazy, we aren't lazy we just aren't happy. And when you aren't happy you have no pride in yourself so you don't do anything about it. As a fat person I can tell you that when you do not have pride in yourself, you dont believe that you can ever change yourself. You believe that you will gain nothing from going out and working out or changing the way you eat. I still believe this sometimes, even though I am working out more and more. I believe that I will never have the pride in myself that I once had. I dont know how I will ever regain that but I have to try.....
I am starting this blog because I need somewhere to talk about what I am going through. Maybe to get people to get behind me in my journey to change my life. Maybe it will help inspire other people that are tired of being fat to change. I will start by saying I AM FAT... and I know deep down I am not happy. Five months ago I weighed in at 380 lbs. The most I have ever weighed. I was wearing a 54 inch waist and should have been wearing 3XL-4XL shirts. But when you are fat you try to squeeze into a 52 inch waist and 2XL shirts, some reason in our minds it fits; but in the eyes of others it is just a fat person wearing sizes to small. As of now I am weighing in at 315lbs and wearing a 48 inch waist. I AM Fat
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