I am proud of you...

There have been a lot of people that told me I am hard on myself and I am pushing myself to hard. At times I think I am but then I remember why I am doing this. Yes, I have finally figured out why I going through this journey and why I am pushing myself so hard. It is for my grandfather. I am dying to lose this weight so that for once I can hear some words from my grandfather that I have been wanting to hear for years. I would love to look into his eyes and hear him say "Michael, I am so proud of you."  To some people they are use to hearing that, but me I feel like I have never heard that from the man I admire the most. And I am dying to finally give him a reason to tell me that. Growing up I wasn't the best kid and as I got older I didn't make the best decisions. I did a lot of things that I know he did not approve of, and I know a lot of times I let him down. For instance the time I was arrested for a DWI or when I got a divorce only after 6 months. I have jumped from job to job saying that I have found the perfect job, only to have give up and quit. I tend to have the habit of giving up easy  and not really trying. And I think deep down he knows that, he knows that a lot of times I am all talk. You see for along time he was the only male figure in my life, until I started spending time with my dad(who I love so much). My mom and I lived with grandfather and grandmother, so growing up he was the man in my life the most. He is the one who tried to teach me life lessons and tried to guide me on the right path. He tried his hardest and was always be there if I needed him. But the thing is I didn't listen, I thought I could do it my way. I was so hard headed and I thought I knew more then he knew. I took him and his wisdom for granted, and because of that look at were I am now. I am 35 years old working in retail part time, delivering pizza for my families pizza place, and I dont have a pot to piss in. (pardon my french but that is the only term I have ever heard to best explain) I live from pay check to pay check and hoping I make enough to get by. Sometimes I even have to go to this great man and ask him for money. I have to ask him to give up his hard earned money so that I can get by because I didn't listen to him growing up. So showing him that I can finish something that I start is going to make him so proud of me. When he hears that I finished a half marathon I know he will be proud. His love and words mean so much to me. I cant express how much it would mean to me to hear him say those words. I know that I will hear those words I am determined to make him proud of me. It was him that gave me a great heart and drive to be the best I can be. And know I am finally using that drive to better my life for myself, my family and the people I love. Thank you DaDa for everything you have ever done for me. I will make you proud of your first grandson. I promise you. I know I cant fail with you pushing me and the spirit of my grandmother in me. Yall have done so much for me and my mom that I wanna give you pride in your grandson... I love you so much and thank you

Gonzo out