Hurdles....

So this week so far as been a weird one for me, and it doesn't have anything to do with the election. There is something inside that is screwing me up, not physically but mentally. I can't explain what I am felling but it feels likes a light inside me has been dimmed. Everyone that knows me knows I am outgoing and like to smile and am very personable. But this week I have not been myself, I feel run down and totally unmotivated. I don't know if its work, financial, or just straight up laziness trying to get its hands on me. I am lost and confused of why I feel like this. I feel like I am just coasting staying on the same track, no twists, no turn, no up or downs. Just a straight path to i don't know where. I no god has a plan for me and gives me these hurdles to jump over, but right now I am just running head on to these hurdles and have no urge to jump. I have no answer for this and i am hoping that it will run its course. I just don't want it to affect my job or my training for my run in January, and as of right now it kind of is... All I can do is ask god to give me the strength to overcome this.

Stand by Me...

So I know I haven't written here in awhile and I know I have some people that are considered that I have lost sight of my goal. What I say to those people... you are right. I am not going to lie to you. I know I havent been myself and I know why In my head I didn't think I had lost sight of my goal, but deep down in my heart of hearts I knew that I had. I started feeling content with the progress that I had already made. I felt beat in a sense. And when I say beat, I mean I beat myself. I lost my drive somewhere and I dont know how to get it back. It saddens me to think that I have lost heart, that I am starting to become lazy again. I can only think that I am going to slip back into what I was and that scares me. I never want to be that person again, that person that has no drive and no pride in himself. So this is a declaration that I am getting myself back on the path, even if it takes blood, sweat or tears. I maybe 35 years old but I have a whole life of happiness in front of me and I dont wanna miss any of it. So here it is.... I have 3 months before I run in the Disney Marathon, so starting right now, no more fast food, no more cold drinks, and more working out. Also I will dedicate my life to my job and strive to be the best for a great company and brand. I promise this to all of you out there that care and wanna know what I am going through. If you wanna stand by me on my journey I would love the company. If not, get you ass out of my way I have a race to win....

I am proud of you...

There have been a lot of people that told me I am hard on myself and I am pushing myself to hard. At times I think I am but then I remember why I am doing this. Yes, I have finally figured out why I going through this journey and why I am pushing myself so hard. It is for my grandfather. I am dying to lose this weight so that for once I can hear some words from my grandfather that I have been wanting to hear for years. I would love to look into his eyes and hear him say "Michael, I am so proud of you."  To some people they are use to hearing that, but me I feel like I have never heard that from the man I admire the most. And I am dying to finally give him a reason to tell me that. Growing up I wasn't the best kid and as I got older I didn't make the best decisions. I did a lot of things that I know he did not approve of, and I know a lot of times I let him down. For instance the time I was arrested for a DWI or when I got a divorce only after 6 months. I have jumped from job to job saying that I have found the perfect job, only to have give up and quit. I tend to have the habit of giving up easy  and not really trying. And I think deep down he knows that, he knows that a lot of times I am all talk. You see for along time he was the only male figure in my life, until I started spending time with my dad(who I love so much). My mom and I lived with grandfather and grandmother, so growing up he was the man in my life the most. He is the one who tried to teach me life lessons and tried to guide me on the right path. He tried his hardest and was always be there if I needed him. But the thing is I didn't listen, I thought I could do it my way. I was so hard headed and I thought I knew more then he knew. I took him and his wisdom for granted, and because of that look at were I am now. I am 35 years old working in retail part time, delivering pizza for my families pizza place, and I dont have a pot to piss in. (pardon my french but that is the only term I have ever heard to best explain) I live from pay check to pay check and hoping I make enough to get by. Sometimes I even have to go to this great man and ask him for money. I have to ask him to give up his hard earned money so that I can get by because I didn't listen to him growing up. So showing him that I can finish something that I start is going to make him so proud of me. When he hears that I finished a half marathon I know he will be proud. His love and words mean so much to me. I cant express how much it would mean to me to hear him say those words. I know that I will hear those words I am determined to make him proud of me. It was him that gave me a great heart and drive to be the best I can be. And know I am finally using that drive to better my life for myself, my family and the people I love. Thank you DaDa for everything you have ever done for me. I will make you proud of your first grandson. I promise you. I know I cant fail with you pushing me and the spirit of my grandmother in me. Yall have done so much for me and my mom that I wanna give you pride in your grandson... I love you so much and thank you

Gonzo out

My One Question...

So today at work I was talking to this over weight couple about buying a fuel band. I was telling them how it is such a great tool for motivation and creates a drive that most people have been missing. I told them about my journey and how the fuel band is one of the tools that has helped me during my journey. The one question the lady asked me was what made me jump start this journey. What was the spark that caused me to change what I have been for years. At first I just started to tell her that working for Nike really motivates you and makes you wanna be healthy and more athletic.  Especially when there are people there that can run 6 minute miles, and people that go play basketball everyday. She smiled and said "yeah that can do it, that would get me up and going." I laughed and smiled and then sold them a fuel band. I hope they use it and see results. Even if they dont change their diets, and try to lose weight. I just want them to give walking a chance. To just go out and hit the pavement of their neighborhood. Even if it is only for 30 minutes it is something.

But I have to say that the question she asked me has still be running through my head all day long. I mean did I start all this because of someone I love. Did I do it because I was tired of being a joke with my friends. Did I do it to motivate other obese people to change. I keep asking myself this question. And then I ask why now, why am I starting this now, so late in the game. And I honestly dont know why. I can assume I know, but I dont. Its killing me that I can answer this question. I mean I can sit here and say I want a healthier life. I wanna be athletic for my future kids. I wanna be an example that it can be done, if you just try. I really dont know. So why I dont know. Maybe it will come to me soon, cause if not it is just gonna rattle around in my brain and drive me crazy......

Gonzo out...

Its RedRhino time...

So I know that I havent blogged in a while.. yes folks I am still here. Last week was my birthday week so I kind of got a little distracted. Not only did I get distracted here but I also got distracted from my diet and my workouts. I hate the feeling that I get when I do that, but I know I can feel that way. I mean really it was my birthday week. I know that is not an excuse and excuses are evil to a fat person. Excuses are one of the main reasons that fat person stays fat or doesnt wanna change. So I am done with the excuses. Nothing should stop me from hitting my goals or nothing should stand in my way of becoming the new me. I have made a promise to myself to become a RedRhino. I know you are all asking what is a RedRhino. When it was brought to me from Jason Lester that it was time to become a RedRhino, I had to ask him what it meant.

Rhino’s never look to the left or right — always straight at their target. It’s in your DNA to achieve greatness. You will hurt. You will suffer. You must sacrifice. – and – not many will understand. Look straight and NEVER.STOP! -Jason Lester

So my new out look on my journey is gonna be like a RedRhino. I have my eye on the prize and nothing is going to get in my way. I know it is going to be hard work, and I know there are times I am gonna wanna not go workout. I am going to have to just stay straight on my path. I have to do this, I have made a commitment to myself and if I do stay straight then I will let myself down. That is one thing I am tired of doing. I have let myself down most of my life. Said I was going to do something and I didnt do it. I have lied to people and myself. I cant do this anymore. This is why it is RedRhino time... Stick with everyone and we can do it together. Become your own RedRhino and keep your eyes forward until you reach that finish line.

Gonzo Out

Milestones in life...

As some of you may now know I have hit my first milestone of this journey. I weighed in on Tuesday night and I weighed in at 298lbs. Yes folks that means that I am under 300lbs. I have to tell you that upon seeing that scale, I wanted to jump up and down and scream to the world. I have never felt so good in my life, to know that I earned something that I worked so hard for. The drive home all I could say to myself was I did it, I did it. I have never been felled with some my pride in my life. I don't think I have accomplished such a big hurdle ever in my life. I wish I could bottle the feeling I had and hand it to every obese person and show them what is going to feel like when you just work hard. That they can do it, to maybe give them the drive that I have. Another feeling I had was knowing that by losing this weight I have added years to my life. I am so proud of myself. I am feel some accomplished. To know that I use to say I will never be under 300lbs, that I could never do this. That I was just accepting the fact that I was gonna be fat for the rest of my life. That is no more, I now know that I can do it. I can reach my other goals, and I know that I will make it. I know that I will help inspire anyone that needs it. To tell other obese people that they can have the feeling I have right now. It can be done you just have to set a goal and try. Remember Greatness is Earning something you have worked so hard for...

I am Mike Gonzales I am 35 years old and I no longer weigh 300lbs...


Gonzo Out

My promise to you all...

So 3 days away from turning 35 and being under 300. One of these great things is making me happy and the other is depressing me. Being under 300 sounds so great it is such a great accomplishment. It will make feel the happiest that I have felt in a very long time. Now turning 35 well that is a real fucking downer. If you asked me a long time ago I would have told you that I would have to have been married maybe a child or 2 and have a career. But instead I am over weight, no wife, no kids and working part time at 3 jobs. Not really that greatest place to be at 35. If you really think about it is fucking sad. I have nothing to my name, living from pay check to pay check, and owes money to our great government. Now I am not asking you to feel sorry for me or am I trying to feel pity for myself. I am just calling it like I see it, everyday. Sometimes I have my good days. Then there are the days that I have to pretend I am happy go luck Mike that everyone loves to be around. Believe me it gets fucking tiring that I have to put on this fake facade. Now don't get me wrong not everyday is like that, but I do have those days. At times that bad out weigh the good. But that is life and we have to keep pushing forward. I really have no one to blame but myself, but I do have to also put some of it on my obesity. Being obese can almost suck the life out of you, you get tired really easy, you sometimes lose your will to even get out of bed. I have slept days away or just sat on the couch and did nothing. Called in sick to work when I wasn't even sick, just because my fat ass didn't want to get up or even go outside the house. Being obese just tears you down, it not only a physical strain but also a mental strain. It makes you become someone or something you aren't. It changes everything about you, makes you hide your real self it destroys your drive to be someone. It makes you just give up on life, makes you settle. Do you think I wanna settle working 3 part time jobs. Do you think I wanna settle for being unhappy everyday. I wanna be great, I wanna do things that I have always dreamed of doing. I wanna feel free from the chains of being obese. So I swear to all of you that read this and care, and to myself. That this time next birthday I will not be fat, I will have a career and even possibly engaged to a great women. And I will have made a mark in someone life. You can print this out and keep it so in a year from now you can either call me a failure or a success.....

This was me birthday in 2011, I will put up a picture from 2012 so that we may compare the year. And in 2013 I hope that I will look nothing like this fat guy

Gonzo out........

Damn Right I am...

   So his week is over and he new is about to begin. I know I had my ups and downs this week.Some of  you all told me that I might be being a little hard on myself. I may and I may not be. But I know for 10 years I have not been hard on myself and it lead to me getting to 380 lbs. That is 20 lbs from 400 lbs. You dont know how hard it is to look down at the scale and see 380. An know that 60% of your body is made of fat. Seeing that number, there where times I just started crying in the bathroom. Feeling worthless and pathetic. It broke me down. It made my mood change, it made me think I was a waste of space. It made me question "why am I here"? " Why is this happening to me"? "What did I do to deserve this?" I got so depressed that I hid it from everyone that is important to me. I shut down emotionally and just went through my day.On the outside I was me, on the inside I felt like a lifeless zombie I got to the point that I didn't care about myself anymore. I just decided not to care. So, am I being hard on myself. Damn right I am. I don't hide anymore, I want to care, and I want to be the best that I can me. I wanna live again. So you see I have to, if I don't then all of this is a waste of time.I know that some of ya'll said that out of love and support for me, but know do you understand why I am hard. I love and  want the support that everyone is giving me. I so want that support and need it. I need to hear that I am doing a great job, that I am inspiring people like me to do the same thing. I love hearing damn Mike you are looking good. But deep inside of myself I have push myself harder and harder everyday. If I don't accomplish the goal I set for that day, I know deep down in my heart that I have let myself down. Remember what they say, we are our hardest critic. There is only one person that is gonna change me, and that is me...
   So on a good note, and I wanna leave ya'll on a good not. I lost 2 pounds this week. I did say earlier this week I was aiming for 10, but yet I only lost 2. Now I know 2 pounds is great and its 2 pounds that I don't have anymore and yes my new jeans I bought 2 weeks ago are starting to fit a little loose. So I know I am losing inches. So with that I can not be to upset with myself. This week I am not gonna set my goal so high. I am aiming for 5 pounds and working out 2 times a day. Hit the gym in the morning and hit the road at night. I believe deep down I can do this. I am also trying a new vitamin regimen that will try to help me give me the energy I need to get through my day. I am still on pace and still driving to be under 300 before or on my 35th  birthday. And if ya'll do not know my birthday is August 8th so I have 10 days to drop 5 pounds. Wish me look cause I really, really want this. I will tell you when it happens and how it feels...

Thank yall for everything, but yet no one is following me yet. I need followers so that I can get my words out to help inspire others.

Goodnight
Gonzo

I am a Failure

Failure is defined as an omission of occurrence or performance. There are many failures one can encounter. And I think that I have encountered a lot of them. I have failed at being healthy, I have failed at a marriage, I have failed my family and friends and I have failed at different careers. I know when I have failed in the past I felt like I was letting people that cared about me down. Like I was disappointing them in away. But the truth is the only person I was letting down was myself, I was disappointing myself. Sometimes failure just finds you. Like today for example, I woke up ready to hit the gym had my protein shake and was ready sat on the couch and that is where I stayed until it was time to go to lunch with my mom, grandfather and uncle. In my head I told myself I would go workout after lunch, but did I... Nope. I sat my happy fat ass on the couch and played video games; until Erin came over to hang out. So I said "Mike you will go on a nice night run to end your day". But did I NOPE, NO I didn't. So what happened to me today, why did I do this to myself. And I really have no answer for it. I feel like I failed myself, like once again I feel like a failure. I have felt like a failure so much in my life and am so tired of feeling that way. It is probably one of the worst feelings one could have. I let myself down. I know what a lot of ya'll will be saying "Mike, it was only one day, its ok that you missed on day." You know how many times I have said that to myself in the past. The answer to that question is a lot, more than you think. So to all my readers out there I am sorry for failing you today. I just know tomorrow I have to make up for it. Like I said before #NEVERSTOP, and I promise you I am not going to.

What I wanna know to all my readers is tell me about a time you overcame failure and how it felt. I would love to hear from all of you to understand who is going on this journey with me. I thank yall for taking time out to support me...

Gonzo

Being Gonzo...: "I Can't"...

Being Gonzo...: "I Can't"...: You know how you always say "don't say you can't". Well you no it is easier said then done. I know from experience that when your fat, "I ca...